OK, so Mercury's officially retrograde, as is its custom three times a year. As of 1:31 pm Mountain Time, as observed from planet Earth, the planet Mercury began appearing to move backwards. This optical illusion has to do with the combined movement of Earth and Mercury around the sun. What's more, it's an optical illusion that purportedly enfeebles our already somewhat sorry attempts at communication. The check may be in the mail, but you can bet on its being delivered to the wrong mailbox. Don't count on your email messages making it to the correct destination either. They'll be taking the scenic route through cyberspace, bumping up against firewalls that materialized out of nowhere. It's not the time to start a new job or buy a computer or sign a contract or try a new recipe or, God forbid, file your taxes. And, shudder, don't get married. Don't even think about getting pregnant either. A child conceived under a retrograde Mercury is bound to be born breech. It's really not the best time to have your septic tank pumped, let alone have your boobs enlarged.
Me, I don't buy into this nonsense. I do believe we're all connected by invisible threads to just about everything else in the Universe. They say a moth beating its wings off the coast of Madagascar can affect the weather in Des Moines. There's this invisible thread of event loops connecting them. Many of us have experienced little premonitions that proved to be true. That's the invisible thread again. Or maybe we've walked by the same restaurant day after day after day, then one morning, we feel the irresistible urge to go inside only to find our long-lost best friend from elementary school sitting at the counter drinking a cup of coffee. It was the invisible thread that pulled us in there.
So, as to my being connected to Mercury in some subtle way, I'll buy it. Imagine please a 48 million-mile-long thread looped around one of my fingers. The other end of the thread is attached to a little hitching post on the planet Mercury. Now, if Mercury starts to move in the opposite direction, you can bet my finger is going to feel it, however subtly. I might have an irresistible urge to begin typing backwards. Of course. Were there anything to this Mercury retrograde superstition, I would already be typing backwards. Clearly, this doesn't happen. Why? Because Mercury isn't really moving backwards. That's just an illusion. Mercury doesn't even have a REVERSE option on his transmission. Why, I doubt that Mercury even drives a car.
Mercury hasn't suddenly panicked, put the engine in reverse, and floored the gas pedal, careening into UPS trucks and cell towers and mailboxes and wedding chapels. It didn't happen. That was just an illusion.
As was the odd occurrence of all four email accounts on the gallery computer locking me out a while ago. That too was an illusion. As was the Comcast server going down. A fairy tale, nothing more. As was the mailman delivering the mail for 6 Fortuna Place to 6 Lucero. Didn't really happen. And Blogger says they have a "scheduled outage" at 4 pm PST. So much smoke and mirrors.
Most telling of all--I jsut keep tpying nomrally, thnak yuo. Wree Mrecruy relaly gonig sdrawkcab, I konw ym tpying wolud eb affceted. Teh srting connetcing ym figner to Mercruy wolud eb plyaing trikcs. Nto hapepning. Neevr.