A Brief but LARGE Life

A week ago the University of New Mexico received word from the Spanish embassy that John Smeltzer, a classmate of Flannery, had died in Barcelona. Reports of a knife-wielding mugger circulated in the media, but the final official word is that John simply collapsed with a coronary while running up a big flight of stairs in the Olympic Village. Paramedics were summoned, but John's heart had suffered massive damage. Nothing could be done.

Any death is a huge, significant event, but the completely unexpected death of a young person leaves us reeling with uncertainty. WHY?

A few short weeks ago, Bennie and Oakley and I sat in a banquet room at UNM. We and other proud families were there to observe our daughters and sons receive recognition for their achievements and contributions. The air was palpable with the energy and joy of these exceptional young people, not to mention the deep gratitude of the families, all of whom were counting our blessings to have raised kids who had "turned out" fine. Here's a picture of the radiant group of honorees.

Our Flannery received an Alumni Association Citizenship award. John Smeltzer received a Clauve Outstanding Student award. John is standing on the far right in the back row. Flannery is immediately to his left.

Although John and Flannery weren't close friends, and I had never met this brilliant young man, I do remember watching his list of achievements unfurl--as did Flannery's and some of the other students'--on two big screens at the front of the room. The list was remarkable. John had four majors--political science, French, Spanish, and European studies--and he minored in economics. I won't try to list his contributions. I do recall he held leadership positions in numerous organizations, among them the UNM Model UN Conference, the UNM World Affairs Delegation, and the UNM International Affairs Committee. He was involved with Amnesty International and the American Civil Liberties Union. His passion was working to bridge gaps in social justice, working to unite people.

I imagine that John must have been born with some kind of heart abnormality. It's as though his destiny were to live LARGE for a brief period of time. No, I don't understand it. I cry for his mother. I cry for the rest of his family and for his friends, here in New Mexico, and around the world. I can't help but feel that he was cheated by the Universe, that the whole world was cheated. Here was someone who would make a difference. And we need the difference. Then again, my understanding is so very limited.

My hope is that, as John's spirit left his body, it hovered for a moment at the top of the stairs, then rose in the thin air over the Olympic Village and looked down. From that height, John's body looked small, collapsed on the stairs. And how small the stairs were, when only a moment ago, they had loomed huge, as he ran up them. He had run up the stairs with purpose, the kind of purpose that had informed his entire life. I like to think John's spirit climbed a bit higher and saw the city of Barcelona as a beautiful swirl of lights merging with the lights of the rest of Spain. And the lights of Spain were merging with the lights of other countries. The entire earth became a mesmerizing puzzle of countries, somehow fitting together, twinkling with lights. For a moment, it all fell into place and made sense. John even saw himself as a child, lying in the Illinois grass, looking up at the stars and wondering about the reason for it all. Now, looking down at that remote and small self, he somehow knew the reason.

And that's when John may have looked to his side and observed a beautiful, radiant Being. Larger than life itself. Unspeakably good and calm and beautiful. The Being was so close, John felt his heart fill with unfathomable peace. And in that bottomless moment, John didn't feel cheated. Not in the least.